Tuesday Thoughts

Last week was quite a year (if ya know, ya know). Every other word out of my mouth seems to be “NO” and if someone – anyone really – says “Mommy” one more time I will lose it. And I know I’m not supposed to say that and I should be thankful I can even have kids, but on the other hand I am supposed to be #honesttruthbossbabe soooo which one is it, society?

I’d a rare 30 unexpected minutes alone during my children’s dental appointment. Apparently the dentist’s office is not letting parents in with their kids…LOL good luck Doc. Have you met my 7.5 year old? Enjoy. So, I’m sitting here, nursing an hours old iced coffee in my minivan (never say never) thinking about plans and how quickly they go out the window. For starters: Kids.

With my first I had so many plans: vaginal delivery, maybe no pain meds, exclusively breastfeeding, the crunchiest most content mommy ever.

But then the induction failed and a C-Section was required, and BF-ing would have to be pumping to create bottles which wasn’t sustainable and while I loved her, I didn’t feel entirely fulfilled with motherhood, which led to guilt and probably undiagnosed PPD.

What I could do? I could baby wear. In desperation I pulled out the Mai Tae wrap that was handed down to me by my pseudo-cousin and it was magic. I found something I loved, that made me feel really connected.
FF 7 years later to the third kid and I still have my trusty hand me down baby carrier. I expanded to the Sakura Bloom for the hot Texan summer months.

Nothing beats the smell of baby heads. Call me a weirdo. It’s biology.

This image of maternal bliss lasted all of a day as I started having abdominal pain and underwent hernia surgery in August. (Universe: I hear you loud and clear, no more babies.) So, I’ve found a new thing. Long walks with the baby in a stroller to build up my strength and our bond. Typically we’re chasing two tyrants on wheels, but that’s because we’ve gone from remote learning to full on-homeschooling. In a span of 6 months I went from, “I’d never stay home full-time” to “I’ll stay home with the baby while the girls are in school! The timing couldn’t be better.” (lolz pandemic) to “Well remote learning won’t be so bad with a 2nd, Kinder and 3 month old” to “That’s it, we’re homeschooling.”

And I’m sure it’ll still find a way to change.

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